


Exigence in Force Majeure

by KagamiSorciere



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Arranged marriage...because Kylo arranged it, Emperor Kylo, Empress Rey, Everybody's unhinged, F/M, Force Bond, Rey still hates him with a passion, Rey's been so careful all this time for a reason, emotional smut, nobody's quite in their right mind, smut smut smut, the force sorta made them do it, the war is over, there is some alcohol consumption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-09-13 12:09:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9122989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KagamiSorciere/pseuds/KagamiSorciere
Summary: This war has raged for ages and most of the leaders at its helm are long gone. It's left to Kylo Ren, and Rey, his constant opposing force, whose minds have seeped so far into each other as to make planning in secret impossible, to come to some accord or else watch the galaxy burn in their futile efforts at mutual destruction.





	1. Wedding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MostTulip](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostTulip/gifts).



> Please understand that I started this story before all the bad things happened and, in order to finish the story, had to keep the chess pieces where they were. I'm sorry if the initial few sentences are a bit jarring. Please push on if you can. 
> 
> I wrote this to rather dark music, so it's a darker fic you get. Not especially seasonal, but I hope it meets your request and that you like it, MostTulip! Happy New Year!!
> 
> EDIT: This story will continue as my second ever attempt at a shuffled timeline story. Chapters will not be posted in chronological order but will be written mostly from prompts from tumblr. You can submit your own for this story by stuffing them into my ask box at these-are-the-first-steps.tumblr.com

They stood, the two massive juggernauts of their respective sides of the War. Leia had died months ago, and Hux….Hux had been ripped apart by his own men when his stupidity had left him and his team stranded in a backwater corner of some world without food or water.

The entire conflict had been utterly unprecedented, but with its head commanders long gone (no one quite knew what had happened to Snoke), Kylo Ren had taken a strange turn- taken a change of heart?- and issued a proposal, for _peace_ , to its last leader standing: Rey.

What had been written on the missive was a mystery, she being the only one to see it, the only eyes meant for it, and while some aspects had become clear, such as the reopened trade routes and relief brought to decimated worlds, others remained elusive. Until that day.

Standing toe to toe on a dais engraved with galactic directional points, her officers had thought this would only be a meeting to sign a treaty. They had no idea what they were _actually_ there for when a youngish man arrived with hair the color of deep mahogany and a flat, white scar that ran from his forehead down his nose before flaring wide across his cheek. That this was Kylo Ren, _the_ Kylo Ren, was utterly preposterous- Rey's ranking among them was surely a one-off due to desperation and her priceless connection to the Force. Had this really been a battle all this time between nothing more than children?

But then his eyes landed on Rey and they watched as his lips quirked into that familiar smirk and his eyes took on a mischievous shine they'd seen one too many times before. This really _was_ Leia's son. And Han's. But Ben Solo was gone, and something else, something darker, stood in his place. But Rey…Rey was not surprised. Rey did not budge, they noted, and they wondered, finally, over the course of this entire war, just _how many times had she seen his true face?_

She had dressed rather well, they thought, for the signing of a peace accord- this girl who was used to rough-hewn trousers and thick boots. They thought she didn't know how you were supposed to dress to attend great moments in history like this. They had misjudged completely when, even as the two glared at each other, he raised his outstretched hand to her and, slowly, never letting her eyes leave his, took it.

"What's going on?" one of them demanded.

"The conclusion of this treaty," the now-emperor of the newly minted sector of space replied, staring at Rey.

"What does that mean? Rey?"

She quickly turned her head to the side, pulling her eyes away from Kylo Ren's for the first time since he entered.

"Please," she said in clipped tones. "Do not interfere."

She turned back to him and he was waiting for her, a vaguely amused look on his face.

"I'm doing this for all of us. It's the only way to end this war."

At this, Kylo tilted his head questioningly to the side.

"Is that really the only reason?" he asked.

Rey said nothing, but her mask of neutrality slipped long enough to stare daggers into him before quickly recovering back to their hard, unmoving look from before. Kylo's lips pressed slightly together, as if holding back a knowing smile, and Rey had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from snarling.

Giving her one last knowing look, he turned to his guards who were never quite far away.

"Let us begin."

There was the clatter of boots and armor as the couple were suddenly encircled. Her officers called her name as they were pushed away, and as their shouting got louder, Kylo's lip curled as he whispered to a nearby lieutenant. Rey squeezed his hand in a clawlike grip, and he turned to her suddenly, attentive.

"Yes?"

She blinked back her quiet rage. "If you hurt them," she gritted out through clenched teeth. "This is off. And we can fight each other until we both die of either the saber or boredom, whichever comes fastest, but I promise you….this _will_ be off."

Her eyes were feral and Kylo looked back at her in genuine surprise. She hated how easily he was taking all of this, how naturally he seemed to exist in all this military pomp and excess. How _relaxed_ he was when she was _seething_.

He squeezed her hand gently in return and had the gall to caress the top of her hand with his thumb, an action she glared at pointedly.

"They will not be harmed," he finally replied, drawing her attention back to himself. "In any way."

Rey huffed. She was in no position to refute him. There was no way for her to check that he kept to his word. She was forced to _trust_ him and it made her itch with how unnatural it was.

When she looked back towards him it was the first time his eyes weren't on her. Instead he looked ahead, her hand firmly caught in his- there would be no escape, for either of them, this time- and she stared openly at his profile as the holy man entered through a hole made by the surrounding troopers.

Kylo greeted him, more casually than Rey would have liked, and, in what felt like moments, it was done.

They were Joined.

Being pulled from her contingent, away from all the familiar faces she'd gotten to know over the past couple years, was more jarring than she'd anticipated. She was being whisked away from them all, forever, and she thought she'd be prepared for it. Rey realized quite early on that they didn't follow her out of loyalty or out of any sense of admiration or like. But because they whispered _'Jedi'_ when she walked past, and because both Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa has christened her as their own. They followed her because she seemed to know what she was doing and she was the only heir they had. They followed her despite her constant whispering to herself getting worse and worse, sometimes even at the most inappropriate moments, like at memorials and trials.

They had no idea how Kylo Ren and Rey of Jakku had bled into each other's minds so deeply that neither could escape the other anymore. It was like a cancer, a tumor in the form of the other they had no way of removing. And as time passed and the war waged on it got worse. It's what brought them to this treaty as soon as Kylo consolidated power. They were now so entrenched in eachother's minds that it became very difficult to hide battle plans. It really _would_ go on forever, unless they did something about it.

Kylo's solution was, of course, crass. He couldn't force her into an advisory position instead?

' _Please, Rey…'_ he had whispered to her as she read the sentence dictating their union in the peace missive he'd sent, _'You know this is the only way we can ever truly be sure of each other. And it would prevent the others from questioning our conversations.'_

She'd arched a brow at his commentary. _'You mean they're questioning your sanity, too?'_ she'd scoffed.

Silence. He didn't answer.

But despite the general dislike and fear she'd felt from her own people, they were familiar. She knew their faces, knew their lives through the Force. And as she was whisked away on Kylo's arm to their wedding bed, she glanced around at the sea of strangers surrounding them and she inwardly winced. His free hand lifted and covered hers wrapped around his arm without looking at her.

The door was opened, and as soon as they were inside, they were alone.

Rey tried to think back of the last time their confrontation on the battlefield caused them to drift off by themselves in the heat of the fight. It hadn't happened in ages, not since that last time. He'd lured her away and she'd followed- familiar with the dance- until he had her rammed up against a tree, wrenching her saber from her hands, in order to wrap both of his around her head to slam his lips against hers. She'd been in shock- what was he _doing?_ \- and as soon as her mind had come back to her she'd broken his hold and shoved him away.

' _What are you_ doing? _'_

_He'd simply stared at her._

' _What is_ wrong _with you?' she'd shouted again, smearing her hand across her lips trying to rub the sensation away as she scowled at him._

_He'd merely blinked back, expression blank._

'… _.Apologies,' he'd breathed finally. Summoning his saber back to his hand, he left it unlit. 'It will not repeat. So if you please,' he continued, motioning towards her own saber._

_She'd collected it, lit it, and the tiny sparks from their clashing stung at her skin._

She'd pushed him away then. There would be no pushing him away this time. Not if they wanted peace. Not if they wanted an end to this fight that had been raging for three generations across the galaxy.

Skywalkers. They were a curse.

Kylo watched her as he moved around the room, his hand lightly brushing against the bedpost at the foot of the bed as he felt her relive the last time he'd tried to show her the truth of his heart- whatever was left of it- and at her concluding thought, he stifled a laugh and looked up at her through mussed bangs.

"Rey…"

She snapped out of her reverie to look up at him.

"I'm not here to force you," he said with a shake of his head as he moved to face the footboard. His nail dug at the intricate carving under his hand.

"You aren't forcing me," she answered. "I came here of my own free will."

The corner of his mouth quirked and he nodded. "Yes. Yes you did."

He glanced at her again before slowly walking back towards her. She looked up at him as he stopped just a step short of her, the fire of her presence making up for his towering over her.

"We've not been able to keep much from each other," he began, "But since that day…" he nodded at the memory, "I've kept…those things…as far away from you as possible."

Rey's lips shifted. "Why bother?"

"I didn't want to influence you," he whispered.

Rey narrowed her eyes at him. "Influence? Ben, you know you can't influence me."

His eyes flared and he hissed as he closed the gap between them. His hands rose up, but still he never touched her. " _Don't_ ," he warned dangerously. " _Don't_ use that name."

Rey innocently tilted her head to the side. "And why not? We're joined now, aren't we?"

 _Joined_. Kylo shuddered and raised his hands to cover his face, closing his eyes. _Joined._

He sighed, a sharp, pinched tension flowing out of him and into relief that hit hard into Rey, surprising her with its strength.

"What is it?" she asked in confusion.

"Oh gods…" he murmured. " _Rey_ …." he croaked.

Pressing his palms into his eyes, he lifted one bare hand away and did now rest it on her shoulder and at the feeling of their long-withheld connection taking hold, tying them together, she shivered and found herself grabbing at the robes covering his chest for support. His hand slid down her arm and around her waist, pulling her tight against his body as his other hand finally lowered, tucking her head against his neck.

This. This is what she'd been afraid of. For years, being too close, _touching_ him, feeling his skin, and what the Force, their _bond_ , would demand of them when flesh finally met flesh. She felt a satisfying, pleasing hum pass back and forth between them, and for the first time in her life….. _no_ , she had to fight it. She couldn't _do_ this. She made her _own_ destiny. Not the Force!

"Oh please Rey…I've been so miserable without you….don't you _understand?_ "

She gasped as his fingers found the back of her neck and she leaned back into the sensation. Her mind rung itself through every other person who had touched her in her short life and nothing….nothing felt like this. Stars, the Force was _cruel!_ Why him? Why _this?_

She was weakening against him and he could feel her self-loathing. He had guessed… _hoped_ , that this would happen. Hoped that their fates intertwined would help pull her towards him. But still she fought against it. And he loved her more for it. His Warrior Empress, Rey….she would never give in, and he wanted to laugh and sink his fingers in so deep that she'd never be able to escape.

"Don't fight it, Rey…." he whispered, tilting her head up towards his. She stared up at him, mouth agape and her brows pulled in the sweetest worry as she leaned her cheek into his caressing fingers.

"Ben…" she gasped. "Ben, _please_ … _!"_

He sighed, breathing in that dead name that she refused to shed from her lips, and curled his arm impossibly tight around her waist, fingers spreading down her thigh, and listened as her breath hitched. Her leg nudged his, making its way along the side of his.

"Oh Rey…" he whispered against her lips. "If you insist."

Her lips already parted in their plaintive plea, he dove down, catching up her tongue with his own. She tried to breathe in but couldn't, he was everywhere, suffocating, and then the _surge_ hit and her fingers were in his hair as he grabbed up her inching leg, spreading her open against him, and he dragged them both towards their ornate marriage bed.

He dropped her down, hard, and she stared up at him glassy-eyed and stunned as he worked to try and pull his belt away, yanking at the layers of his formal robes and watched as Rey looked up so sweetly forlorn at him as her fingers fumbled with the ties of her own dress. Finally shedding all the cloth, his chest was covered in a basic training shirt, form fitting, and he sensed as Rey's hazy mind briefly registered that despite all the formality, there was still the creature underneath ready to kill, always ready to fight. He smirked at the thought as he pulled it over his head, and when her dress fell loosely around her, he helped her tug it away, revealing a small blaster holstered to her inner thigh. He arched an approving brow.

"I guess you can't beat it out of either of us," he said rather breathlessly. He tugged it loose, threw it to the floor, and he fell on her then, covering her completely with himself as he sucked hard at her neck and she moaned loudly, fingers quick to find their way back into his dark hair and he rubbed his chest flush against hers. His knee pressed against her mound and she arched against him. He grunted in satisfaction against her throat. How long had it been since someone had touched her like this? She was so sensitive. Maybe it was the Force's doing. But his vanity wanted him to believe it was him.

He licked at the valley between her breasts, and her hand scratched down his shoulder blade as he took a very erect nipple into his mouth. She cried out as he sucked and tried to jerk away from him but he held her fast. He swirled his tongue once, twice, before moving on to the other one, licking a rough stripe from beneath her delicate breast to the tip of her before closing his mouth around it and kneading the soft flesh with his hand.

He never thought he'd hear the sounds he was hearing from her. She held his head against her breast as his other hand gripped her thigh, and the thoughts that leaked through her were nothing like they were several minutes before. He traced his fingertips along her hip and down the gentle slope of her leg to brush the inside of her thigh and she _keened._ The sound went straight through him and he needed little else- he knew she felt him hard against her.

"Kylo…" she gasped. He kissed her slowly, chastely on the lips.

"What do you need, Rey?" he asked plaintively as his fingers skirted against the outside of her sex.

"Ky…"

His breath ghosted against her mouth. "What do you need…?"

When his fingers pushed their way between her folds she twitched violently towards him and he hissed at the wetness he found there. It hadn't taken much, and she was already ready for him. More than ready. And he wasn't even through with her. He'd had years to fantasize about this moment, ever since she had rejected him in the woods that day. He would force her, he would seduce her, he would confess to her…. _marrying_ her first had never played into it, but as she gasped against him, nuzzling against his neck and leaving her own timid kisses against his skin- _baby steps_ \- he dropped his forehead to her shoulder and an onslaught of emotion overcame him. Her grip on his hair tightened and she whimpered- he knew she felt it, too. He wouldn't be able to hold out like this. And he realized- neither would she.

He brought up a hand to brush the hair away from her face and look her in the eye.

"I've got you, Rey…I've got you…."

He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers, light but needy things, and she writhed under him until he gave in and pressed her into the pillows with his kiss. Taking himself in hand, he pushed himself with a cry against her entranced and slipped tightly inside.

Rey was arched back, mewling, and Kylo shouted into her shoulder as he pressed the rest of the way in. They were both gasping and Rey was holding him tight enough to yank the hair from his head but he didn't care. When a few seconds had passed, her grip loosened and small caresses replaced the pain. He leaned into her hand unconsciously, eyes slipping closed as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Ben…" she whispered again.

Why did she have to do that.

He looked up at her, and although she looked back, she seemed to be lost. He arched up, pushing himself inside her as well.

"I've got you…" he said again, and he covered her mouth with his.

He rolled his hips, slowly but firmly at first, until her hands dug into his back again and he couldn't hold back as the pain and pleasure coursed through him. He snapped harder, faster, against her, the motion rubbing hard against her clit as her legs bent up around him, opening herself wider to him and he grabbed her hips in his hands.

"That's it, Rey," he whispered, gasping, and her head fell back as he drove into her.

" _Ben_ …"

She couldn't breath, gulping in her choked breaths as his thumb rough from years of swordplay brushed against her nipple again, and as her body arched towards him of her own volition, his position inside her shifted, hitting a spot that made her _burn_ , and she nearly screamed when suddenly his arms were wrapped underneath her, propping her higher up. She felt his mind flood into hers and her pleasure became his, and his became hers, and his arms _hurt_ as he held her there, keeping her in that one place as he stroked the literal fire burning inside her over and over until he was biting, hard, into the space between her shoulder and her neck and her vision whited out as a cry choked out of her.

He persisted, not letting her go as she cried out over and over, until she felt him shaking in her grasp and her eyes stared widely at the ceiling. He collapsed on top of her, his arms loosening slightly, and she took in a deep breath. Her mind was still swimming with him, like a dam had broken. Oh gods, could it ever be put _back?_

Eventually he brought himself to his elbows, and slowly, carefully, slipped out of her. She sighed, a part of her traitorously distraught at the sudden loss of him, and he rolled over onto his side beside her as her mind still raced, still caught in the feeling coursing through her body.

She didn't look at him as his fingers went to brush the hair from her face, and she heard him, _felt_ him, sigh contentedly. Gently he pulled her towards him, and she didn't fight it, curling into his side as he held her close, in both body, mind, and _soul_. His fingers traced over the bruises slowly appearing on her skin and his irritation spiked through her. She didn't want to see what he'd done to her…what she'd let him do to her….what she _begged_ him to do. Her hand closed in a fist as it rested over his heart, and his own rose up to close around it, lifting it up to leave a soft kiss along her knuckles before putting it back again. He wouldn't let her go. What was he doing to her? What had he _done?_

She closed her eyes and sighed. She felt him there. She would always feel him there. And she knew his satisfaction at it. And he _knew_ her reluctant need, especially now, to have him there. The fact he wasn't even smug about it in this moment, of all moments, made her even more furious.

"I hate you," she said finally, the hum between her cheek and his chest under it desperate to lull her.

His hand ran through her hair. "That's alright," he replied.

Rey felt as if she were going to break- break and shatter and fall completely into _him._ She raised herself up to look at him. "No it isn't…no it _isn't_ ," she insisted.

He watched her eyes tear up and the pain that lanced through her just added fuel to the fire. He wasn't allowed to be so without guile. This _wasn't_ right, _couldn't_ be right!

His face became almost desperate as his hand cupped her cheek and his arm snaked back around her waist, holding her naked form against him and he sighed at the feel of her there. She shook her head against his palm and he brushed her cheek with his thumb, pushing calm and anything else he had towards her, to sooth her. Everything he had- it was hers now. Only hers.

"Shhh, shhh," he cooed, leaning up to kiss the wetness that glistened beneath each of her hazel eyes.

"B—…" she whimpered again, unable to say the rest of that name that wouldn't unstick from her lips

"Shhh…." he repeated again, "Yes it is…."


	2. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Fic prompt in the hate marriage. Maybe Kylo trying to do something nice for her, but his idea of nice is questionable. Like one of those "well he tried" moments." --reylorobyn2011
> 
> This turned into a behemoth, but here you go!

They’d been together for a month. And although they spent most of their nights together, compelled by their bond, by the Force, and… _other_ things, they almost never saw each other during the day. As his bride, Rey had full privileges in their compound- she could go and do whatever she wished. That accord had been hard-won on Kylo’s part- or so he claimed- despite his consolidation of power. He still had generals and officials to convince.

Her days had taken up a pattern- eat, walk, train, try to convince the servants she didn’t need _that_ much food at midday, and then scour through the palace’s impressively expansive library. Orderly and predictable. Out of all the places on the grounds, she seemed to spend most of her time in the study, especially when recently there seemed to be a bit of a chill in the air that made her shiver despite the sweat running across her skin from training. 

She spoke little to anyone. It was mostly by choice, but also due to the fact that her reputation earned her a wide berth from most everyone she passed. So she was surprised to find another person, another human, another _girl_ , seated in the area she normally occupied at that hour. 

Rey halted, staring at her. Should she continue on with what she had planned to do or order her out? She’d been hardened by the last year of the war, but she liked to think she still had her decency- despite recent developments.

Rey looked away and walked past, continuing on to the shelf she left off at last time, when there was the scratch of wood against wood and the rustling of skirt fabrics.

“Forgive me, your Imperial Highness!” an airy, high-pitched voice called out. “I did not see you come in, forgive me!”

Rey turned to see the girl standing now, bent low in a bow and hands folded neatly over her skirts. The silky, flowing things seemed to be the fashion for females on this planet, but Rey couldn’t really bring herself to participate. Her trousers and twills garnered her side-eyed glances, but she really didn’t care.

“It’s nothing,” she said finally, wishing she would just stand up already. “Forget it. Pretend I’m not here and please carry on.”

Somehow the girl bowed even lower before rising up, averting her eyes, and returning to her tome. Rey sighed quietly to herself and turned back to the shelf. Grabbing up a nearby volume, one that hadn’t been touched in ages by the amount of dust caked on it, she took it to the sitting area, careful to sit as far away from the other patron as possible. She cracked it open- ‘The Pre-History of Naboo’

“If it’s alright to ask, Empress…” she heard her say.

Rey turned in the direction of the voice. “What is it?”

“If I may so humbly ask what Empress is reading, I would be most interested,” she said, meekly ducking her head as she did so.

This girl seemed to have had manners and submissiveness beaten into her. Were all the women like this?

“Please,” she said finally. “Call me Rey.”

A tiny sound came out of her as she ducked her head again. “Neera!” she blurted out. “I am called Neera, your Imperial Hi— I mean Rey. Rey…” she repeated, and Rey could have swore she saw a small smile creep onto Neera’s lips. She shook her head briefly.

“It’s an old history book about Naboo. They haven’t been transferred to the digital catalogue yet, so I’ve been reading them here.”

“Oh, I see…” Neera replied. Her eyes seemed to dart along the floor- still too afraid to look at her, and Rey sighed. After a moment of silence, she thumbed past the expansive index page. _“The prehistoric inhabitants of Naboo had barely mastered electricity by the time—“_

“Rey?” came the voice again. Rey held her breath, trying to push away her frustration, before turning back towards the girl.

“What is it, Neera?”

“Ahh…” she began. Rey could feel the nervousness pouring off of her. “Would the book have anything to do with the Emperor? After all, his grandmother was Queen of Naboo.”

Rey frowned. Queen?

“Why do you ask?” she said finally.

This seemed to spook her and she shook her head suddenly, mumbling off an almost incoherent apology as she shifted herself in another direction and stuck her head back into whatever she was reading. It wasn’t long before she closed up the tome completely, bowed, and took her leave.

 _Strange girl…_ she thought to herself as she turned the page. But she hadn’t been completely useless. Kylo had a _grandmother_. Well of course he did. She imagined she had one, too, somewhere. But that she had been a queen of this planet seemed to explain a few things- namely why he’d chosen to make this planet the capital for his sector. Rey hummed to herself and thumbed to the next page.

That evening as she rested her head on his shoulder and her fingers traced along the slowly bleeding claw marks she’d left in her husband’s chest (entirely his fault, she told herself), her mind wandered until his hand wound its way into her hair.

“So what did you do today?” he asked casually.

Rey scoffed. “I don’t know why you ask me that question every day. You receive your ‘reports’,” she bit off. “You know nothing changes.”

He brushed his cheek against her forehead before snatching up one of her fingers, now stained a dark red color, and putting it in his mouth. She watched him as he sucked her fingers clean, and when he pulled them free, he rested them wetly against the crook of his neck.

“Really? Nothing out of the ordinary?”

Rey frowned and huffed. “The library,” she confessed finally, shifting back to where she didn’t have to look at him. “Someone was in there. There usually isn’t. That’s all.”

“Oh,” was all he replied.

 _And I heard your grandmother was a Queen of Naboo…_ her brain rather traitorously supplied, but she threw up several walls in her mind before the thought could leak through and Kylo shifted beneath her as he felt himself locked out.

“What are you thinking about, Rey?” he asked. His voice was hoarse, rough and low, and she hated the sound of it as much as she knew he hated being pushed away from her because he always took it as a challenge instead of what it really was- a bid for privacy. He shifted down as he pulled her up, and buried his face in her neck, causing her to gasp against him and her own better judgement.

“Nothing,” she struggled to reply levelly.

He hummed against her skin, and since she knew he couldn’t see it, she closed her eyes as her mouth fell open.

“Well we’ll just have to see…”

He pulled the covers over them.

In the morning, she tugged at her sleeves, careful to cover the edges over a rather sensitive mark on her shoulder, when she very nearly barreled into Neera in the passageway.

“Oh!” she cried, and her voice was even airier than she remembered. “Your Imp- _Rey!_ Rey, I’m so sorry, forgive me.”

Rey worked to collect herself as she noticed the girl before her now snatching glances at her face instead of staring totally at the floor.

“It’s quite alright, Neera,” she assured her. “Where are you in such a hurry to?”

“Oh! Well…” Neera fidgeted nervously. “I was…ahh…on my way to the notary, and—“

Rey frowned. “The notary is in the opposite wing, not this one. In fact,” she continued, taking a step closer, “this is the private administrative wing of the Emperor’s household. This is not a place for you to be.”

Neera’s eyes grew wide and suddenly she was averting them back to the ground. “Apologies, your Imperial Highness, my sincerest apologies. I have become completely turned around, truly, and I beg your forgiveness, I—“

Rey nodded in slight agitation and found the only thing she could do was wave the poor girl off when she couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

It must’ve been a fluke, running into the same noblewoman twice- because surely that’s what she was if she was inside the palace. Soon enough, however, her routine took back over, blotting out any thought, and it was back to practice, back to meals, back to reading, back to submitting to the only thing that would quiet the irritating itch at the very back of her mind every evening. It wasn’t until the next day that she’d gone out to the training grounds in a rare heatwave for the season that, deep in her forms and absorbed by the Force more than she had been since she’d arrived that Neera came stumbling back into her space, and right into the path of her lightsaber.

The tip glowed blue at the frozen woman’s throat just as Rey’s eyes shone an almost brilliant white.

 _“You!”_ she hissed.

The girl whimpered, eyes wide and glued to the sight of the ancient blade inches from searing her skin. Rey had opened herself up fully to the Force, and it flowed through her like an open channel- her mind was only partially focused on her physical self, with more of it flying free into the far reaches of the universe and beyond. Rey’s eyes widened and she tilted her head to the side.

“Why do you constantly appear around me?” she demanded harshly, her grip tightening on her weapon.

Tears flowed down the woman’s cheeks, her fear thick.

“You have ulterior motives,” she declared more than asked. She felt a pleasing spike pass through her and knew herself to be correct.

“ _What_ are they?” she bit out, and Neera’s knees finally gave out, causing her to collapse in a heap and only just nearly miss the hum of the saber in Rey’s hands.

“By all the old gods, spare me!!” Neera choked out. She stared at her in terror and Rey didn’t quite understand.

“I asked you a question,” she repeated.

Neera only shook her head, sobbing. “The Emperor, the Emperor…” she cried over and over, and the all-consuming power that had filled Rey suddenly tinted to red.

_Kylo…?_

She didn’t remember leaving. The few people she encountered in the halls seemed to scurry from her path. She had only enough coherence to switch off her saber by the time she slammed open his meeting room doors with the Force and terrifying the officials gathered. Kylo turned to her in surprise before sitting back casually in his seat, as if this happened every day.

“Is everything alright, Rey?” he asked calmly.

_GET THEM OUT._

Kylo winced as she screamed in his head, and slowly he nodded.

“Alright…alright, gentlemen, ladies, we’ll have to continue this another time. If you please….”

It didn’t take much for them to silently pack up and scatter, the door quietly clicking shut behind them. Kylo sat with his hands folded, staring up at his wife. He looked at her with a sort of curious wonder that somehow irritated her even more.

“Stand up,” she ordered.  

With a sigh, and to her passive satisfaction, he obeyed. It took only a second for her to close the distance and bring her hand hard across his cheek. She didn’t put the Force behind it- it was all her that had him leaning over from the blow.

“Don’t you _ever,_ ” she enunciated, “meddle in my affairs again.”

His hand rose up to cover his cheek, head still tilted away. “You weren’t speaking to anybody,” he said quietly.

“ _What??_ ”

“You’ve made no acquaintances since you’ve been here,” he continued slowly, eyes glancing towards her from under his bangs. She shifted back in mild surprise.

“What of it?”

He sighed, lowering his hand as he turned back towards her.

“As much as I revel in the fact that I seem to be the only one you share your thoughts with, as… _charming_ …as they often are, if you’re to survive here, if you’re to thrive, you need to make friends, Rey.”

Rey’s face contorted in disbelief.

“What are you saying? That you ordered her to follow me so that we’d be ‘friends’??”

Kylo closed his eyes and plaintively held up his hands.

“I sensed a disturbance, earlier, as if something, or someone, were sucking up the Force into them,” he said with a frown. “Was it you?”

He had the gall to change the subject. She blinked.

“I was training,” she reasoned.

“Rey…” he said softly, stepping towards her. While she was locked in her fury she didn’t notice her energy start to drop, and although she felt the urge to move away from his approach, she forced herself not to. “Rey, your _eyes_ are _glowing_.”

Rey stared up at him, convinced he was a liar, until she saw the reflection of herself in his own eyes peering back at her in muted excitement.

“What were you _doing?_ ” he whispered in almost conspiratorial tones. She swallowed.

“Nothing!” she insisted nervously. “I wasn’t doing anything! It was the Force, it just—“

He shook his head, silencing her. “May I?” he asked, holding up his hands. Rey wasn’t sure what he intended to do, but she could feel help and curious and sooth come from him, and that last one in particular…it didn’t seem so bad. Making up her mind, she looked up at him with a vague sort of worry on her face and nodded.

Standing up to his full height, he slowly rested his hands on her shoulders and hissed. The power coursing inside her was enormous, and with no battle or forms or anything to express itself out from her with- the farthest it’d gotten was Rey’s strike across his cheek- it was burning inside her. He closed his eyes, and with a shift, worked to come up with a solution.

“Hmm, you can’t stay like this,” he said finally. “It’s consuming you.”

“What do I do?”

“Anything. Any strong emotion to work it out. Your emotions drew it in to begin with.”

“But I cleared my mind!”

“Well obviously you didn’t do it well enough.”

Opening his eyes, he looked down at her, and her eyes, still slightly shining, stared back. He took in a shuddering breath.

“You’re so powerful, Rey…let me help you.”

His eyes were doing that thing again, that thing where she felt trapped and cornered but at the same time couldn’t bring herself to look away. How did a man so cold have eyes so emotive?

“Help me…how?”

She knew asking was a mistake, but the second his lips fell on hers and his hand trailed up her spine in just the way that always made her open up to his mouth, she felt one familiar feeling pass into her and another more aggressive pressure evaporate off of her. She sighed against his tongue as it pressed further into her, and as her arms wrapped around his neck, he stooped down to quickly scoop up her legs to hold them to either side of his hips.

He set her on the meeting table, flimsies still covering the surface as Rey’s mind reveled in the new sensation of this power, _her_ power, being used up around her, and she didn’t loosen her grip as she leaned back, taking him with her, and pressing the hardness apparent in his trousers right against her center. It felt so much _better_ , somehow, and with every brush of his fingers against her flesh as he worked her shirt up over her breastband, she found herself gasping as he shuddered against her.

“What have you _done_ , Rey? How have you come to be this shining light…?”

She couldn’t help but grind herself against him and the moan that choked out of him actually thrilled her. And _oh_ , it didn’t burn so much anymore- he was right, it was working.

She pushed against him harder, and soon his hands were shaking, fumbling for the ties to both their pants until she curled her legs around him and pulled them so closely together he could no longer get purchase to work.

“ _Rey_ ,” he choked out almost desperately.

“We can’t,” she breathed out.

His furious disbelief at her denial sliced through her, but to his credit, he seemed to swallow it back when he spoke.

“Why?” he asked finally. “You would deny me this pleasure? Of having you when you’re this close to the Force?”

She pulled him tighter. “I would deny you everything,” she replied, and he gaped at her in mild shock when she, legs still wrapped in a vice around him, pushed herself up off the conference table to sit. She hooked her arms around her neck, pulling herself up and slamming her lips against his. He wrapped his arms around her, letting her take from him, almost with a sigh of relief, when she slowly lowered her legs, pushed back against the edge of the table, and released his neck to drop herself back onto her feet on the floor.

She stepped back, taking in the sight of him completely disheveled, hair a mess, and trousers half loosened. She took in several deep breaths and slid the edge of her hand against her lips, as if she could wipe him off.

“Stay out of my business,” she said finally, “And don’t come to me tonight.”

She knew he was still caught in his arousal for her, the idea of her willingly pressing herself against him and also of the Light she seemed to have called inside her calling in turn to him like a siren’s song he’d do anything to follow. It’s why she was glad she didn’t feel his all-consuming rage nearly plough her into the corridor wall until the door behind her clicked shut, and why she pressed on down the hall away from that room even as others ran towards it as they heard furniture smashing and the hum of an unstable saber.

He’d learn, she told herself. He’d learn to leave her be. Or he’d never see her alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send your hate-married AU prompts to my inbox at these-are-the-first-steps.tumblr.com ! All the cool kids are doing it.


	3. Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hate-marriage AU where Kylo finally takes wifey poo out to some kind of party/gathering and Rey (being inexperienced both with drinking and flirtation in general) has some weird drunk experimental flirt fest with another lady while Kylo's away for a minute XD Why am I like this 

It was a small party, diplomatic, arranged to show that the new leader of one of the largest sectors of civilized space wasn’t some demon with a thousand eyes and swords for hands like the legends about Kylo Ren during the days of the War had claimed. Although he had come around to the advice that it was a necessary affair, he still felt exposed without his mask. He’d had to retire _it_ along with all the legends.

It was his first formal event in a public relations setting, but by no means his first as sitting Emperor. Rey had come with him to those as well- she _had_ to- but she had chosen to sit either in stoic silence or engage in scripted pleasantries for only as long as she had to. Kylo reminded her that as Empress, she didn’t need to participate in small-talk at all, but apparently even that was going too far for her tastes.

Tonight, however, whether it was due to a new crowd or the sheer number of people, he didn’t know, but for a change she actually seemed to be _enjoying_ herself.

The ambassador for Corellia droned on in front of him as he watched his wife take another large sip of a bubbly alcoholic drink with a quirk of his lips.

“Do you like it?” he said to her suddenly, disregarding the man speaking in front of him. Rey raised her brows as she turned to look at him, keeping the glass pressed to her lips.

“Me?” she asked with a surprising amount of innocence. He smiled and nodded. She shrugged.

“It’s not bad,” she concluded.

He regarded her thoughtfully. “In what way?” he asked. In the beginning when they had shared meals together, he couldn’t get her to touch any of the drinks, but now, watching her gulp from her glass, he was intrigued at what could have swayed her.

Rey’s cheeks dimpled as she looked at the pale liquid, bubbles bursting at the surface, and Kylo felt a slight heat rush to his cheeks. She looked up at him squarely.

“It doesn’t have an after-taste,” she declared, and she emptied out the glass. His eyes widened. Was that really all? As a server passed through with a tray filled with the drink, he flagged them down and took two, carefully replacing her empty glass with a full one and keeping the second for himself- for investigational purposes.

“And where do you hail from, your Imperial Highness?” the ambassador suddenly chimed in, and Kylo’s shoulders stiffened at the sound of his voice. He just had to butt in…

“If you’ll forgive my frankness,” the man continued, “Not much is known about our Empress, besides her heroic feats from the War.”

Kylo turned, a sneering remark on the tip of his tongue, when he felt a small hand grasp the fabric covering his arm in an iron grip and looked to see Rey smiling sweetly at the indelicate idiot.

“Jakku,” she replied.

Kylo pursed his lips. _You don’t have to tell them that—_ he started to shoot towards her, when the man opened his gaping maw again.

“Jakku?” he rumbled in a scoff-turned-laugh. “I wasn’t aware of there being a royal line on that planet.”

Kylo was seeing red when Rey nearly yanked him towards her in the most transparent display of false affection he’d yet been party to, was sure the other people would see straight through, but all they did was smile politely and Rey smile back.

“Yes, didn’t you know?” she said with a practiced tilt of her head. Kylo arched a brow. “I’m queen of the scrap!”

He watched as the ambassador found himself caught in confusion before paling significantly. Kylo was too lazy to investigate whatever conclusion he had come to, because Rey had lifted the glass to her mouth again and was laughing into the liquid. A little dribbled down her chin and she squeaked as she quickly pulled the glass back. He had the overwhelming urge to lick it away.

Instead he raised his thumb calmly and brushed it dry. Rey didn’t seem to notice at all. He’d lost track of how many glasses she’d had.

“Oh _here_ she is!”

Kylo pulled his eyes away in time to see a pretty blonde thing sidle up to the portly politician.

“Oh,” she said breathily, observing him. “Your Imperial Highness, I apologize for intruding,” she said with a low curtsy. Kylo cleared his throat.

“This is a party. It’s impossible to intrude. You’re the ambassador’s wife?”

She smiled prettily and looked with a starry gaze at her husband. “I do believe I have that honor, yes.”

They stared at each other for a disgustingly long time, and Kylo watched as the large man’s hand brushed slowly up and down the woman’s arm. He looked over at Rey who had become preoccupied with tipping the liquid in her glass as close as possible to her nose and giggling quietly whenever one of the bubbles popped near it. Glancing back at the couple, he was almost jealous.

“But forgive my manners,” she said suddenly, turning to them. “Is this the famous Rey of the Resistance?”

Rey perked up at the sound of her name for a change, and slowly lowered the glass away from her face.

“Yes, this is the Empress,” he replied with gentle correction.

The woman glanced at him sheepishly and bobbed her head before turning back to Rey with a beaming smile.

“I’ve heard so much about you, Empress! I’ve always wanted to ask you…”

It was like magic. Kylo watched in awe and mild suspicion as Rey eagerly listened to this stranger and actually seemed to engage in the conversation. For an ambassador’s wife, her knowledge of minute details about famous battles from the war, and even some battleships, was impressive, and Rey answered her questions with enthusiasm. She almost seemed like her old self…

Lost in thought as he observed them, he hardly noticed when one of his officers touched gently at his elbow to get his attention.

“Your Imperial Highness….”

Kylo looked towards him, and as the man delivered his message in hushed tones, Kylo scowled miserably which caught Rey’s eye. They both shared a look.

_What is it?_

_Stupid small things. People are idiots._

_Are you going?_

_I have to. Briefly._

Rey fidgeted slightly as she looked at her husband and swished her drink in her glass.

_Should I come with you?_

_There’s no need. Stay here. Talk to her. You like her, don’t you?_

_She’s less boring than the others._

Rey paled slightly. Sometimes when they spoke in that way, her thoughts came more harshly than intended.

Kylo gave her a small smile.

“I’ll be back in a moment,” he said aloud and, nodding to Rey, he walked from the group and followed the officer out and back into the main compound.

“What is it?” he growled harshly as he entered the security control room. The men seated at the monitors jumped at the sound of his voice, and the satisfaction it gave him slightly assuaged his irritation.

It had taken fifteen minutes to solve what had been a faulty security alarm problem. When the alarm had continuously given the silent alert for no obvious reason, they suspected some form of foul play and the Emperor was called. He had told them in the beginning that security was his top priority- despite the war being over and peace being virtually assured, a part of him was still terrified that a speck of the Resistance might still exist. That they might still try one last suicidal attempt at getting to him. Or worse, reclaiming Rey. But this was ridiculous.

Once it was sorted and threats had been issued to all involved for wasting several high officials’ time, not to mention the Emperor’s, the only thing that kept him from punching an overly decorated wall on his way out was the strange sensation bleeding out of Rey from the ballroom.

Finally finding her again, nothing could have prepared him for the sight of her virtually draped over the ambassador’s wife, twirling a section of her hair in her fingers. The ambassador himself looked suitably mortified, and his wife…well, she looked entertained if not a little nervous. But this was the _Empress_ \- no one could deny her.

“Your hair is such a pretty color,” Rey whined forlornly as she flicked it between her fingers. “I used to be sick to death of this color on the sand dunes, but it’s _so_ lovely on you, and your _eyes!”_ she wheezed, propping herself up just enough on the poor woman’s shoulder to place sticky hands on either side of her face to get a better look.

“I’ve never seen eyes that color before. The color of the sky….”

Rey was lost in her own sea of alcohol-muddled thoughts, and the woman looked back and _blushed_. Brushing stealthily against Rey’s mind revealed a rather pleasant simplicity to her thoughts- Rey found her exotic looking. Shifting his attention to the much more sober object of her compliments, however, yielded somewhat more dangerous intentions.

Deciding to forego another drink, he casually walked up to the pair, blocking them both from view.

“Hello,” he said amicably.

Rey looked up lazily, blinking several times before her eyes could focus and she narrowed them pronouncedly at him.

“ _You_ were gone for ages,” she accused. “Why don’t you go back?” she mumbled, resting her chin on the woman’s shoulder. Kylo watched as the blonde’s hand seemed to creep up Rey’s back. He smirked.

“You know I can’t leave without you, Rey,” he said quietly. He almost shuddered at the thought of how many times he had said those words, and that he was saying them here, now, at a diplomatic party briefly caused his head to spin. When she didn’t respond, however, he slowly grabbed her dangling wrist and lifted it up and around his neck, gradually disentangling her from the other woman, until Rey was slumped heavily against him. Despite her previous thoughts, the woman looked almost relieved.

“Come on,” he urged, wrapping an arm around her waist, and she groaned.

“Ohh, I hate you,” she grumbled.

Kylo looked up and around instantly at the small crowd that had gathered and they quickly averted their eyes. Well, there was no stopping them from seeing it.

“Not in front of our guests, sweetheart,” he replied with a snide smirk.

Rey’s head lolled as Kylo tried and failed to walk her forward. Part of him was convinced she _must_ be doing it on purpose.

With a low growl, he ducked down and swept up her legs, careful to tuck her skirt beneath them, and hoisted her up into his arms. She groaned louder this time, and flailed backwards despondently.

“Do you have to be so dramatic?” he mumbled

“Now I _really_ hate you,” she moaned, and a hiccup suddenly leapt its way out of her throat, catching her entirely off guard and compelling her to sit up properly in his arms. She frowned pointedly at it.

“I didn’t know you could hate me any more than before,” he replied dryly, taking a few cautious steps forward.

She hiccuped again.

“Why is this happening?” she whined, clutching at her throat as another one came. Kylo huffed with a smile.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never had the hiccups before.”

“The what?” she asked sadly, and whined as it happened again.

“Ben?” she asked almost desperately, clutching at his robes. He frowned at the sound of that name.

“Shush. Let’s get out of here.”

As Rey’s world was apparently ending, he moved quickly through the crowd. At least her appearing to want to be in his arms as she clung to him, he thought, helped offset her previous and rather loud claims, but as he took the needy, hiccuping mess back into their wing of the palace, he made a mental note to never lose track of how many glasses she’d had again.


	4. Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "In the hate married AU, does either/both Kylo and Rey go through depressive episodes/anxiety attacks/other episodic emotion along that vein? It seems like something that would be plausible. If so, how do they deal with it?" -Anon
> 
> They do, but for different reasons. Let’s…look at Rey since her’s is coming the most easily to me right now…

She was late. Didn’t she know he’d come looking for her when she was late?

He paced around his chambers, barefoot, in nothing but a simple robe. His hands clenched and unclenched themselves at his sides.

 _Where could she_ be _??_

His mind ran through a dozen, _two_ dozen, scenarios. They either made him panic or furious.

He was so tempted to reach out to her, use their bond to pinpoint her, but it had been a week since he’d agreed to try and give her space- to send for her if he wanted to see her like a normal human being- and not take advantage of their ties in the force unless absolutely necessary.

It was the condition, this removal of mental intimacy, under which she agreed to sleep with him again.

He hated it.

“Bah!!” he growled sharply, and flung out his hand. An archaic weapon on a nearby wall shook violently before rattling free of its display and flying into Kylo’s hand- an ancient lightsaber. He clenched it with white knuckles before ripping his robe off and snatching up his discarded trousers left on the floor. Pulling them on, he went to holster the weapon and cursed when he remembered that he no longer wore a clip anymore, that he was Emperor, and, panting heavily with teeth bared, he held the thing in front of him and thumbed it on.

The bright green blade flickered briefly before mellowing out to a smooth hum. Kylo stared at it, stared _into_ it, contemplating very hard between destroying the room or willing himself calm.

He needed his wife. And he knew she wouldn’t let him into her rooms.

His thumb gripped the metal harder as he tried to slow his breathing, tried to think rationally about how to go about finding her without somehow managing to offend her again- something he discovered he was unerringly good at, and something else that also seriously pissed him off.

Nothing he ever did was good enough. Nothing.

He squeezed his eyes shut, and used the last shred of his patience to physically will himself calm. When he opened his eyes again, his mouth fell slightly slack, and with a click, the saber’s blade retreated.

He didn’t bother with more clothes. This was _his_ house. He’d do as he damn well pleased, he thought, as he swung the door to his rooms open. An attendant waited just outside.

“Your Imperial Highness?” he said with a flourishing bow. Kylo felt his nerves spark up again.

“The Empress. Where is she?”

Without missing a beat, the servant replied, “Last reported location, my Emperor, is in the terrace gardens.”

He face scrunched in disbelief. “ _What?_ It’s the middle of the night!”

The servant quickly bowed. “It is, my Emperor.”

With a quick flick of his head, Kylo blanched suddenly and his voice grew faint. “Is she with someone?”

The servant did not move from his submissive position. “…no, my Emperor. She is alone.”

Kylo pursed his lips together and started down the hall. No one said a word as he marched shirtless, his bare feet slapped against the marble, through the corridor, into a small, side stairwell, and bounded up the steps.

As he got closer to the top, he slowed his pace and quieted his step. He wanted to see for himself what she was up to, what she thought she was _doing_ , after she had agreed to come back to him. Kylo reached the doorway and did his best to flatten himself against the wall as he peered past, somewhat aided by the darkness.

His view was only partially obscured as Rey seemed to leap and bound in fanciful, unidentifiable sword forms as she fought across the narrow garden. Her blade was purple today, and not once did he see her singe a single plant. She hacked and slashed and twirled and it was…beautiful.

_Where has she learned this?_

That is, until she took a rather aggressive swipe, made with gritted teeth- one that he knew, somehow, wasn’t a part of this delicate dance- and it tripped her up, literally, causing her blade to shutter and her to collapse into a tired heap on the ground.

What he wasn’t expecting was the wail. It pierced through the night above the palace, and for the first time in several days he felt like he could almost feel _her_ again. He watched as she cried out once more, hand beating at the grass before taking a handful of it up, ripping it from the ground, before slamming to down again. She sobbed, until something in her head seemed to click and she looked up, blotchy faced, at the grassy carnage trapped in her fist. He ducked closer behind the door frame again as her face pointed in his direction, but could still see as she brought her fist to her chest and slowly, carefully, opened her fingers. She poked and prodded at the shards of grass, before the tears came again, and she cried in earnest.

She was crying over _grass_.

He knew this wasn’t right. Knew her too well to believe that this was some strange passing thing. He was nearly desperate, now, to go to her, talk to her, _feel_ her, and get to the bottom of it.

_It isn’t yours to get to the bottom of._

Dammit, she was his wife, wasn’t she?? _Didn’t_ he have that right???

Her cries had been reduced to whimpers as she slumped back down against the grass. The tears stopped and her breath evened. With her hands curled slightly in front of her, grass still clinging, he watched as she slipped off into sleep.

He pulled himself more fully from behind the doorway and looked at her with a frown. Very blatantly breaking their agreed upon rules, he did brush his mind against hers, just to know, just to be _sure_ , that she really was asleep.

Satisfied, he came out from his hiding place.

 _Oh Rey_ , he began to himself, too stubborn to say anything aloud as he padded up to her prone form. _Why are you even out here? Why won’t you talk to me?_

He crouched down to get a better look at her face. Even in sleep, it continued to crease in a frown. Was she always like this? Even during the war? Why did a part of him keep saying that she wasn’t? That maybe it was all his fault?

_Nothing I ever do is good enough._

That ageless irritation spiked through him then as he brought his hand to hover over her head.

_Sorry, Rey._

Although she was already asleep, he couldn’t risk her waking back up. She was supposed to be down in his chambers with _him_ , screaming under his ministrations. But instead she was out here _without_ him. Clearly–

He sighed.

Satisfied that she was properly under, he gently rolled her onto her back, placed both their weapons in her lap, and slid his arms beneath her before lifting her up. He rolled her head towards his chest and slowly brought her down the narrow stairway.

Rey would often ask him, when she was particularly mad, why the force had to tie her with _him_ , why it had to tie her to anybody at _all_. It cut him every time she said that, and without fail he’d mention something about Jakku, something about _Plutt_ and his disgusting, roving eyes (no longer roving, he told himself over and over with as much satisfaction as with relief), and he’d watch with sick pleasure as it would cut her just as deep. (Only _he_ could somehow make a blessing seem like a curse, she’d continue to say)

But tonight he realized that _he_ was the one asking her question- if it was going to be like this, if she…if she could never _feel_ for him…then _why?_ Why this torture? For either of them? Why did this have to be her fate and why did she have to be his only weakness?

As her attendants pushed her chamber doors open, maids eyeing her unconscious form with a great deal of trepidation before being put back in their place with a stern look from their ruler, he found himself admitting that she was probably right.

They didn’t follow them inside- they knew better than that. And he laid her down as gently as he could onto her bed. He’d only been in her chambers a few times- originally to see to its preparation, and twice to seek her out himself, which she’d hated. Well, she’d just have to get over it this time, if she ever found out. He wouldn’t let a servant touch her- not when she was like this.

He pulled their weapons from her lap and set them down on the nightstand as he looked back towards her.

Even if she hated him more than anyone else in the entire universe, he realized, examining the slight set of her lips and the upwards sweep of her lashes that left soft shadows on her skin, he’d still do this.

She was deep in the sleep of the force, so she couldn’t protest when, just for a moment, he climbed in beside her. Pulling her close, she slumped against his shoulder in a sad mockery of intimacy. Holding his arm tighter around her, he didn’t care. He laid there, on his back, with her against him, and sighed.

“I’m sorry, Rey,” he said to the ceiling, and he gave her a light squeeze.

Looking back down at her, he ducked low and pressed a firm kiss against her forehead. He stayed there for a moment, letting his lips linger, before quickly disentangling himself and leaving her rooms.

Insecurities ran through him as her doors shut behind him and his own opened ahead of him. Stripping off his trousers again, he leaned over his bed, hanging his head.

_I’ve screwed this up somehow._

When Rey awoke the next morning, she found herself on her stomach nearly fully clothed, arm outstretched across the bed as if she were trying to reach out for someone who wasn’t even there. She pulled it back towards her, inadvertently dragging herself forward slightly, as she took in a deep breath against the sheets.

 _Gods_ , now even her _bed_ smelled like him. How?? She could feel the tears coming back again as she buried her face deeper into the spot. Taking in a shaky breath, she squeezed her eyes shut and her fingers grabbed at the sheets. She just wasn’t allowed to get away.


	5. What aren't you saying?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reylorobyn2011: "Hate marriage au, where they are doing the do and Rey gets carried away and punches Kylo in the face. But he likes it. *flounces back into the trash can*"
> 
> Anonymous said to these-are-the-first-steps:  
> "Ayyyye more of that tipsy Rey would be cool. Idk how to redirect the fluff back to the angst tho that would be your job :o hehe" 
> 
> How ‘bout both? Both is good! Rey is large and in charge in this one, folks!! Although with some darker reasons as to why…

"Hello,  
You're crying again,  
so must I mean _something_ to you,  
but I can't bring you back.  
A gentle wind, again,  
Carries away your delicate scent  
And all your words.

How shall I live without you?  
How can I believe that time has erased all these dreams?  
And it's all gone away, and erased all traces.  
  
So where are you?  
Call to me, don't send me away,  
Forget where you think I'd be  
Find me, find _me_ ,  
May god keep you safe,  
Only you.

Hold me, tell me how you've lived,  
that you couldn't live- couldn't live without me  
even for a day, even for a day.

Hello,  
I know I couldn't live without you  
even for a day,  
And I grieve,  
but I can't bring you back.  
How many times will I see the light through the window  
And dream while asleep,  
thinking only about you.

How I will live without you?  
How can I believe that time has erased all these dreams?  
And it's all gone away, and erased all traces.

So where are you?  
Call to me, don't send me away,  
Forget where you think I'd be  
Find me, find _me_ ,

May god keep you safe,  
Only you."  --Ruki Vverh, "Hello" (translated by yellowredlightsaber on tumblr, transliterated by KagamiSorciere)

\---

Another party. She was drunk. Again. But he had noticed a few times as they crossed paths in the halls during the past several days that she'd seemed a little unsteady on her feet, a little more prone to walking closer to the wall than she used to. With the corridor virtually deserted due to all hands on deck for the large affair, no one was there to see as he hauled her around the waist, through her bedroom doors, and dropped her unceremoniously onto her bed.

She half groaned, half whined, as she slowly unfolded and sprawled over the bedspread, loose hair hiding her face from view. Kylo turned once he was free of her without missing a beat, and ran his hands through his hair as he paced the room.

"What's gotten _into_ you?" he asked finally, holding out his hands.

Rey didn't answer, but slowly rolled herself over and onto her back, wispy red dress tangling in her legs and hair streaming across her face. She blew at it half-heartedly in an effort to push it away, but ended up bringing up a hand to sloppily pull it away before flunking her arm back onto the bed.

Kylo waited, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest as she breathed.

"Well?" he asked again quietly.

"Nothing's wrong with me," she replied quickly.

He shook his head. "No, I didn't ask what was _wrong_ with you, I asked what had gotten _into_ you."

"Is there a difference?"

"Yes."

Silence.

"Well, maybe you're just asking the wrong question then," she said finally.

Kylo sighed and looked down at the floor. He didn't need to ask her what was wrong- he already knew the answer to that.

"Come here," she said suddenly, raising up an arm.

He arched a brow as he looked up at her, hesitating, but followed her command. Her hand wavered slightly in the air as he approached, her finger beckoning to him, until he stood at her knees, the thin fabric of her dress brushing against his pants. Finally, her hand opened and her fingers wiggled.

"Help me up, will you?" she asked, and he raised his brows.

_Is that all I'm good for?_

Stifling another sigh, he grabbed her hand and pulled her up more firmly than perhaps she was anticipating. She squeaked as the force of it caused her to stand up momentarily, pressing her chest to his own. Reflexively she grasped hold of his robes to steady herself, but gasped at the warmth against her chilled cheeks and pushed her face closer to his chest. She could hear his heart beat faster, and couldn't help but give a secret grin. She closed her eyes as her head swam pleasantly and spread her hand against his chest. She pushed her fingers up until she felt the hard ridge of his collarbone, and then slowly dragged them down again- his breath hitching as she brushed past his nipple- and felt at his torso for the undulating muscle she knew to be there. Her fingertips hit the edge of his belt when she felt two hands on her shoulders pushing her down, plopping her back to sit on the edge of the bed.

He stared down at her, eyes sparked with a strange look, until her eyes met his. She squinted up at him.

"Don't tell me you didn't drink anything," she commented.

"Why?"

"Didn't you?"

He gave her a critical look. "I did."

"But not enough to get you drunk?" she asked with a catty curl of her painted lips.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Someone's got to take care of you at these things."

She scoffed. "No one has to take care of me…."

"I would beg to differ," he countered, and watched as she flopped back moodily onto the bed.

"You have zero experience with alcohol, Rey. You don't know how to temper it. Or how you appear to others."

She peered at him from the corners of her eyes. "Don't I?" she replied with a lift of her brow.

"No," he said simply.

Rey took in a deep breath before suddenly pushing herself back up to her feet. Kylo didn't budge from his spot, giving her very little room to balance herself in. His arms didn't raise to steady her, but her strength spoke for itself as she stood of her own volition and stared defiantly up at him.

"You don't know everything, Kylo Ren."

He closed his eyes briefly before opening them again. He stared at her, eyes tracing over her hair and brows before looking back into her eyes. Slowly, he began to nod.

"I know that," he breathed quietly.

Rey didn't seem as adept at hiding her surprise in her current state, and he could tell his answer must have been unanticipated with the widening of her eyes. Suddenly, she smiled.

"Well then," she said with unexpected enthusiasm, and sat back down on the bed with a bounce.

Her hands reached for his belt and succeeded in freeing one loop of it before Kylo picked his jaw up off the floor and grabbed at her hands.

"Wait a minute, what are you doing?" he said with a frown.

It was her turn to sigh as she turned away from her work to look up at him prettily with a purposeful flutter of her lashes.

"What I want," she said sweetly with a grin, and batted his hands away to pull again at his belt.

She could feel the shock run through him as he pushed her away, this time finally moving back. He grabbed at his belt as her hands hovered there where he'd been.

"No," he said, trying to hold his pants closed. "No, you've had one too many for this."

"Kylo," she protested, her hands falling back into her lap in annoyance.

"No!" he shouted. "I won't have you… I won't have _you_ instigating for once only for you to come back later and blame it on me- _no…_.I won't have that," he ended quietly.

Rey's anger simmered behind her eyes.

"Come _back_ ," she sneered.

Kylo's eyes were wild. "What?" he replied incredulously, ambling dangerously back towards her. "What is it, Rey? Get to the point, quickly, so that both of us can get to bed."

He bent over her now but she refused to budge, refused to give him an inch or show him even a glimmer of intimidation.

"You get your way most nights. How dare you begrudge me mine this once?" she gritted out.

At this, he nearly deflated. "Rey…"

"No!" she shouted, craning up to make sure he fully understood the expression she wore. "The _one time_ I—"

"So I'm supposed to believe this?" he countered, his face contorting with frustrated disbelief. "That after all the games, all the cat and the mouse, 'Kylo, I want you!' "

His voice rose steadily until his hands hovered over her shoulders, straining in his anger but never once touching her as she tried to keep up her defiance as she started to waver. Taking a breath to try and calm himself, he shook his head.

"I'm sorry," he croaked out finally. "But it's too easy."

He was shaking slightly as he stepped away, turning to leave, but her hands shot out, back to the two loosened ends of his belt, pulling him back towards her, her brow pinched. Kylo opened his mouth to speak, but she silenced him.

"Then stop expecting. Please," she reasoned. "Stop making me feel sober right now…" she added quietly.

"You always ask me what I want," she continued. "Well now I'm telling you that this is what I want to do right now, so why are you ruining it?" she whined, thumbing at the edges of his belt.

Kylo's throat ran dry as he tried to swallow. He could attempt to push her away again. He could try to—

She'd gotten too good at undressing him over the few months they'd been together, because as he was trapped in thought suddenly his trousers were around his knees and her cool hands were on his thighs.

"Rey—"

"Shh, please," she pleaded, leaning forward to leave a soft kiss between his hip bones. He breathed out, and she looked on with apparent satisfaction as his cock started to twitch to life. She leaned forward again, leaving more kisses, more light brushes of her lips against his skin as she danced around that place he always wanted her most. He choked as she nipped gently at the skin just above his cock.

"I want to have my way with you, for once, Kylo, _please._ "

He shivered under her hands and she pulled him close, resting her cheek against his stomach.

"This drink is making my mind _swim_ and I want to know what it's like," she murmured against him. She pulled away and looked up at him with more innocence than he had any right to be comfortable with.

"I want to know what it's like, like this, with you. Will you let me?"

His brows knit together as he looked down at her, gaping slightly as he breathed- was this real? She wasn't…he couldn't call this affection, but part of him…part of him wanted to take what he could get.

His eyes softened as his hand raised up to run his fingers through her hair. He brushed through it once, twice, and she leaned into his hand, the alcohol elevating the already pleasant sensation, and he leaned down to kiss her meaningfully on the forehead. His thumb caressed her cheek.

"Take whatever you need, Rey," he whispered, and as he pulled away, he ran his fingers through her hair one last time before gathering a fist-full of it in his hand and looked down at her with a needy resignation that caught her wide-eyed attention.

Her eyes darted along his, unreadable, and for a moment he thought she'd changed her mind, when suddenly she turned back and licked a long stripe from the tip of his head to the base. He gasped, hand closing tighter in her captured curls as she did it again, running her hand along the length of him until he was soon at full attention before her. Her lips were already wet from her own efforts, and they shined enticingly as he looked down at her through cracked eyelids. He wanted nothing more than to reach down and kiss her, push her into the bed with his tongue, but he knew she wouldn't let him this time. This was _her_ game. And as she parted those pretty lips to take just the tip of him into her mouth he _hated_ that he had agreed to this- to wordlessly acquiescing to let her take the lead- because he _needed_ to put his hands on her, but when he felt her lips pull once, twice around him, his thoughts whited out and all he could hear was the sound of his own moans echoing off the walls.

She added her tongue at the next pass, pressing hard against the under ridge of him until he was crying out, doubled over her and clutching her shoulder for support. _Gods_ she was strong. He always knew that. But for some reason now it seemed especially significant. He absently noticed her hand snaking down between the sheer layers of her crimson dress, groping to pull them quickly aside until her fingers disappeared and the groan that vibrated through his cock in her mouth nearly sent him over the edge right then.

Her wrist moved over and over and he felt his mouth start to water as he watched what he could of her pleasing herself to sucking him off.

"Rey," he whimpered. "Sweetheart, _please,_ let me—" he pleaded, barely able to move his hand away from her shoulder to try and reach for her own slick fingers when she batted him away with her elbow, squealing angrily as she sucked almost painfully hard around him. He buckled over, shouting into the back of her shoulder. She worked rapidly then, and he was almost disappointed at the idea of it ending quickly until he felt his mounting orgasm as he hit the back of her throat.

"Oh sshit…Rey, I'm…"

His moan grew louder against the thin layer of fabric covering her shoulder until he felt himself come while at the same time her fingers held tightly at the base of him. He bucked into her almost frantically and she let him, but she wouldn't let go, wouldn't let him leave _that_ part of himself inside her, and as he came down, panting loudly, she pulled away as his hand tried to caress the back of her head and she grabbed his robes, depositing him squarely on the bed beside her.

"Rey, what did you—?"

"Scoot up," she ordered.

"I didn't—"

"I know you didn't," she answered quietly. Those _lips_ …

He edged backwards, pulling more of himself onto the bed, as he watched her hitch up her skirts.

"Rey," he said warningly as she straddled him from above and began to loosen his clothes. His head was still swimming from his orgasm as she left his chest exposed.

"Take the rest of it off," she snapped, and as he looked up at her, his eyes narrowed.

Suddenly, he rolled into a sitting position and curled his arm around her, holding her flush against his bare chest. He looked down at her in silence as at first she started to struggle until her eyes met his and she began to still. He didn't look away when, with one arm, he shucked his layers, still holding her tight against him. He slung them to the floor as he felt his cock somehow wetly twitch beneath her bottom.

Her breath quickened as she looked up into his eyes and her mouth opened as if to speak, her jaw working up and down, and he tilted his head to watch, but she could find no words. Her thighs squeezed hard around him as she took in a breath.

"Lay down," she said quietly.

"You next," he said lowly.

She brought up a hand to splay against his naked chest as if, from this proximity, she could somehow force him to do her bidding. He resisted the urge to smile. Her eyes were locked on his as her small hand pressed into his flesh before easing up again, and, slowly, her other hand reached up to the gathered shoulder of her dress and gently dragged it down the slope of her arm. It fell, and she reached over to the other side to do the same. She finally let go of him as her arms pulled back to fumble with the fastening, her eyes finally breaking away from him as his hand found hers and, together, the zipper came down. The fabric fell forward and pooled along the top of her thighs as she looked up to meet his heated gaze. Carefully, she reached down and pulled it over her head and tossed it with his robes. He looked down and slightly arched a brow.

"No underwear?"

She arched an agitated one back.

"Already took care of it."

"Oh—"

She pushed him back just as his arms slackened with the distraction and soon followed herself, pushing her breasts against his chest as she latched on to his neck, sucking hard as she knew he did to her, and was pleased when a bright red mark blossomed against his skin. She licked up the side of his neck before catching the lobe of his ear between her teeth. At this, his hands grabbed hard around her waist. Their cheeks brushed until her face hovered above his and she watched as the color danced along his skin. He swallowed.

"I want to kiss you," he said almost painfully. His hand grazed her side and she allowed him to squeeze her breast in his hand, letting herself indulge in the sensation of his rough thumb toying with her nipple as she pressed her pelvis against him and felt for the space below his abdomen.

"You're not allowed," she gasped, breath ghosting hot over his lips, and his expression would have broken any woman's heart. Rey relished in it. He looked like he had tears in his eyes.

"Why not?" he whispered sadly. At this, she leaned down, lapped at the skin just next to the corner of his mouth before leaving her own, wet kiss there before pulling away.

"Because you like it too much," she said with a coy smile, and as she moved down to roll her hips against the top of his cock she swore she did see a tear slip from the corner of his eye as she worked him back to erection by sliding herself over him again and again.

She hated him. But she liked that stupid face when he looked at her like that. She liked the way he felt when she rubbed him against her clit.

His stomach clenched as the tip of him grazed her entrance, and she bent over to leave a kiss along his sternum and down the split of his muscles that squirmed under her touch, his back arching towards her as she bit delicately at the bit of flesh that protruded just at the base of his navel.

It was then that she slid herself along the length of him and took him inside, completely, until she sat back with a deep sigh, him within her to the hilt. He was breathing heavily but somehow managed to bend his legs up, support her where he could, as she started to move.

It was too good, he thought, too good to have her on him like this, why had they never…? Yes. That's right. She had never _wanted_ him like this. But as she moved up and down, pulling him along with her tight pussy, head rolling back before dropping forward, he realized he'd never seen anything more beautiful in his life than this woman, Rey, his _wife,_ riding him steadily with nothing but that small, pretty necklace he'd given her on their one-month anniversary glittering at the space between her collarbones. A space he wanted very desperately to arch up, hard, into her, to kiss and suck until he had her begging.

But he kept it to his imagination- there would be plenty of time later, _later_ \- as he reached up to grab both of her delicate breasts and knead them in his fingers. He brought his thumb and index fingers to his mouth to wet them before bringing them back to her erect nipples and rolling them roughly between his fingertips, causing her to arch back, her head hanging behind his knees, as she bared herself to him, still pushing along him, and he got distracted watching her slick pussy, soaked with both their efforts, slide along his shaft. The sight of them joined, literally, never ceased to daze him, and as the image of it nearly overloaded him, he let his head fall back against the bed as he slowly, gently, met her thrusts and pushed up into her in tandem.

" _No_ ," he heard her whine faintly.

He didn't quite hear her, lost in the feel of her, his movements grew more pronounced as he felt her motions stutter briefly and he slammed into her hard, causing a shout to choke out of her.

"No, _don't,_ _I_ want to, _I—"_

"Rey, don't make me… _please_ ," he pleaded, continuing to fuck into her, but she slammed down onto him hard, digging her fingers into his chest as she rode him faster.

" _No_ , tonight you're _mine_ , do you hear me?" she half screamed as she dragged her nails across his chest. He cried out from the sting coupled with her faster pace. He could hardly breath.

"Rey, please, I'm going to…I'm going to—" he shouted as he pushed into her again and she roared in frustration, swinging back her arm to punch him squarely in the side of the jaw just as his thumb found her clit. They cried out together, for two different reasons, as the pain in his face pushed him over the edge and he came hard inside her. His thumb pressed unyielding against her clit before stroking it aggressively until she was arching away from his legs, pulling up along him tightly over and over again, clenching hard against him until he was crying out again, overwhelmed, but euphoric, as he finally, _finally_ , came inside her as she veritably milked him with every slam of her hips.

When she finally slowed, his hand fell away, and she collapsed in a heap on his chest, knocking the air out of him, again. The sweat made her slick against him, and he lazily brought up his fingers to caress at the wetness on her back. He dared to feel at her mind to find her utterly gone, so he pushed himself inside her head as he pulled his cock out of her body and painted patterns in the skin of her back.

She sighed. Feeling some semblance of strength start to come back to him, he curled his arms around her, lifting his legs to try and bring them around her, too.

He felt her nuzzle into his neck despite the wet, despite the heat, and he held her there, cradled her, as her breath added to the furnace surrounding them.

He didn't care if she didn't.

He wanted to say a million things, but chose not to. He just held her in silence, and her arm curled up towards herself on his chest. He lowered his hand to cover hers with his own.

 _Whatever it is, Rey….I'll always be here_ he mumbled in imprecise form in their shared consciousness. Passing along the _feeling_ of his intentions was always better than whatever words he could come up with. Words always seemed to get him in trouble.

She was relaxed against him, and when she didn't protest as he began to move, he took it as permission to move her along with him so that they were laying along the correct length of the bed. With her finally laid properly along side him, he did cage her in now, and left a feverish kiss along her temple.

"I'm sorry," came her muffled voice.

"Hmm?" he replied, moving slightly away. She looked up at him groggily and worked to free her hand and rested it on his chin.

"I said I'm sorry," she repeated, gently gripping his chin and pulling his head slightly to the side.

"What for?" he asked in confusion.

There was a pause as she sighed in mild irritation and her fingertips brushed along his cheek.

"For hitting you," she said finally, letting him go and tucking her arm back between them.

He smirked with a huff and grabbed up her hand again, his thumb fitting neatly in the palm of her hand as her fingers closed almost instinctually around it. He pulled her fist up to his mouth and kissed her knuckles, the tops of her fingers, before gazing back down at her affectionately.

"Any time," he replied with a slight quirk of his lips.

She smiled. She huffed and she smiled as she looked away, and when he smiled back, she saw it, and he pulled her in close, letting the cool air dry them in the quickly fading night.

"Any time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally forgot to upload this one, so it's been out for awhile but hopefully reads like new now! 8D
> 
> Thanks again to yellowredlightsaber on tumblr for help with the translation of the song from its original Russian at the beginning. You can listen to it (it's a little old but still) here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buN_u5OdP2Q
> 
> The song's a bit melodramatic (this group normally does techno haha) with a '90s flare, but bits of this chapter, with Kylo feeling wholly inadequate (carried over from the previous chapter), Rey possibly developing an alcohol problem, and just the overall senseless *neediness* of the both of them...and the moment where they're undressing with Rey in his lap...the song just circled around in my head as I wrote this. So there you go- inspiration from unexpected places, haha. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy. :)


	6. Tea Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to om-nom-berries. Thanks so, so much for all you do. :,)
> 
> This is a continuation of the previous chapter.

Kylo woke up alone in her bed.

Honestly, he would have been surprised if she'd actually been there in the morning.

After collecting his things, he tugged on his pants and considered it good enough- this was _his_ home. He could look however he pleased in his private wing.

He took his time making his way down the corridor to his quarters. He knew he was the picture of a man delaying, but delaying _what_ exactly no one could tell. Eventually he passed a familiar looking guard, one he knew often stood outside Rey's rooms in the morning. He waved him over.

"Your Imperial Highness," he greeted with a flourish.

"Have you seen Rey this morning?"

"Yes, your Highness. She was on her way to the gardens to train when I saw her last."

The corner of Kylo's mouth quirked slightly upward.

"Thank you. That will be all."

 _Gone to work off the hangover most likely,_ he thought to himself as the guard bowed his farewell and returned to his post. After taking a quick turn in the 'fresher and preparing for his day, he couldn't bring himself to be upset at his late start. He didn't think anything, really, could ruin his mood.

She had _wanted_ him.

Granted, she had been drinking, but he'd done his part, made several clear refusals, and she'd seemed cognizant enough when she brushed them away and insisted every time. He had waited what felt like ages for her to finally come to him, and although he'd technically been dropping her off at her room, the fact that she kept pulling him back was good enough to count for him.

Going over his flimsies for the day, he genuinely smiled.

Even though she'd left before he'd awoken, he knew it was too much to ask for her to actually still be there. Words like _gradually_ and phrases such as _little by little_ had become his mantra since their Joining. They kept his frustration at bay, and he mentally patted himself on the back now that it seemed to all be paying off.

Even sitting through his regular afternoon meetings with politicians didn't seem to irk him as much. But when the clock rolled around to 1500 hours and afternoon tea was rolled in- a planetary tradition he, even as Emperor, had not had the power to axe- a surprise had come with it as Rey came floating in behind the servant, sheer pale yellow fabric billowing around her lithe form, and he couldn't stop his mouth from falling slightly open as he took in the sight.

She never saw him during the day.

Unless she was angry.

Smiling at the servant unloading the dishes of savory and sweet morsels as she took the habitually empty seat he normally sat across from at the small tea table, she didn't _look_ angry.

He watched as her eyes briefly landed on him before doing a double-take and returning to stare at him staring at her full-on. She gave him a look he couldn't quite read- confusion, then a slight tinge to her cheeks, and finally a touch of…trepidation? before her pleasant demeanor returned. What he wouldn't give to be allowed inside her mind…

As the servant left, he was shameless at continuing to fixate on the profound picture she made- beautiful, sitting in his chair, in his office, clearly waiting for him to join her for his regular afternoon repast.

"Well?" she breathed finally.

Kylo blinked and, dropping the flimsies, he shoved them clumsily into some sort of order on his desk before looking back at her again and rising from his seat.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" he replied with an arch of his brow and a catty smile tugging at his mouth.

There it was again- that brief tinge of pink against her delicate cheekbones.

"I wanted to have tea with you."

"Go on," he encouraged, rounding his desk to saunter slowly towards the smaller table.

Rey clasped her hands and seemed to squeeze them on her lap as she looked down at them.

"Well," she began, "I asked Kelzeh if he might put our teas together today, and so here I am."

He couldn't help the pleased smirk that graced his generous lips as he finally sat down across from his wife. Giving him a bit of a forced but no less bright smile, she took the tea fount in hand and began to pour out the sweet-smelling concoction. She poured for herself first- a clear breach of manners but how could she know? The thought passed as quickly as it came as he sat back and watched almost with delight as she very carefully worked to hold the unwieldy thing to pour for him next. Taking up his cup, he held it in front of him for the meal breaking but Rey had already begun to pick at a sandwich she had stealthily pulled to her plate. It was only when she didn't sense any movement from his side of the table that she finally looked up to see him waiting, tea in hand, for her.

She paused briefly in confusion until her eyes went wide and she quickly snatched up the cup, causing a tiny bit of the scalding liquid to slosh over the side and down her fingers. He frowned watching her suppress a wince, but eager to be through with the formalities, only held his cup out to her. With a slight bob of her head, she clinked her cup against his, took a slight slip, and then hastily put it down again to discretely wipe her hand on a nearby napkin.

"Are you alright?" he asked, taking up a biscuit.

"Fine!" she squeaked, and he watched in a daze as she hungrily fit the entire square of sandwich into her mouth.

He smiled secretly into his tea cup- he wouldn't take the Jakku out of the girl even if he could.

"How's your head?" he finally asked. The question had been nagging at him all day after hearing she'd gone directly to her favorite training grounds.

"Oh," she sighed, swallowing the last of what was in her mouth. "A little wobbly, but I'll be alright."

She smiled at him. Again. He gave her an amused but incredulous look.

"I'm sorry I, um…" she trailed off, but those words alone leaving her lips suddenly had his full attention. "Sorry I wasn't there, this morning. You know. When you…"

She looked away again.

"It's fine, Rey," he replied quietly.

And it was. Really. _Everything in time,_ another worn phrase, echoed through his mind.

But his answer didn't seem to clear the worried expression on her face as she toyed with the cookie on her plate. As he reached closer to her side of the table to take up a jam knife, she reached over and grabbed the back of his hand. Astonished, he looked up at her down-turned frowning face.

"Kylo…" she nearly whispered.

She sighed heavily.

"Thank you for taking care of me last night. I realize I was….."

Kylo shifted his entrapped hand until his thumb caressed her own.

"Rey, I told you…" he replied carefully. When he looked at her again, she was timidly looking back. He brushed the back of his fingers slightly against her inner wrist. "Any time."

He regretted intensely the moment she released him from her grip, but she nodded furiously and did a compelling job of becoming utterly engrossed in a slice of savory pie she had lifted from the tray.

They sat in silence for a few minutes eating, Kylo enjoying the brief moments of eye contact they shared. A more docile, hung-over Rey was a new experience for him, but his mind couldn't stop repeating _She came to me, she came to me, she came to me…._

When their quiet time was interrupted by an urgent missive, they devolved into small-talk about politics, Kylo's current on-going projects and challenges, and Rey, instead of just silently listening, interjected a few ideas he filed away for definite consideration later.

Is this what it could be like? To have an engaged Empress at his side? Something in him was warming quickly to the idea as more and more of their food disappeared from the trays. When a nearby clock chimed 1600, the servant was back at the door and collecting what was left of their meal. Kylo sat back gazing at her, and he couldn't remember the last time he was that content. It was a pity she had to ruin it by standing, light yellow fabric whisping about her as she moved. Suddenly a man of manners, he rose to his feet as well and stepped towards her until there was very little room between them.

Rey stared at his chest at first before looking up into his face. He knew she saw what was in his eyes, but this time she seemed to grow paler than all of the half a dozen times she'd blushed at him in the past hour. He frowned with concern.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly. Suddenly Rey's hands were at his chest, straightening his layered robes and smoothing out the wrinkles as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Tea was lovely," she replied finally.

He hummed in agreement.

"And I thought…" she began. Her hands stilled as she paused. "And I thought I might ask you a favor," she finished, plucking a non-existent piece of dust from the fabric.

He stilled. "Favor?"

"Mhmm," she replied, jerkily nodding her head. She was nervous.

When she didn't finish, he brought his hands up around her own to still them and held them close to his chest. The rather sharp look he gave her caused her to swallow hard.

"I received….a letter of sorts. From Finn."

Kylo narrowed his eyes. _Finn? Finn?_ His mind was whirring. " _What?"_

Rey struggled to maintain her pleasant demeanor as she smiled and nodded again.

"He said he'd like to see me. Like for me to visit. Ow, Kylo—"

He had begun to unconsciously squeeze her hands against him but instantly let go, taking a step back.

"No," he replied definitively. "Absolutely not."

Rey sighed. " _Kylo,_ I—"

"Rey, I absolutely forbid it."

His heart was beating rapidly. Who had passed her such a message? How many messages had she received from that traitor? To think that there were other traitors in the ranks, in his _palace—_ suddenly he was _furious_.

"Kylo, _please_ listen to me," she pleaded, taking a step closer to him. His hands had already begun to clench- a habit he'd been working so, so hard to break. Progress she was now _ruining_ just like she was ruining the first good day he'd had in ages.

" _No!"_ he bit towards her, and leveled a finger at her face. "I will _not_ allow you to be in any sort of position where that bastard can steal you away from me."

She stared at him in angry shock, and _there_ was the pissed-off Resistance leader he married.

"What are you _talking_ about?" she fired back. "Even after last night you don't trust me enough to—"

" _What?"_ he spun back on her. "Trust you to _what?"_

And then he paused. And then he straightened up. And suddenly it felt like he'd been doused with ice water. However he looked, it was enough to stop Rey in her tracks as well. His mouth ran dry as his heart seized.

"How long?" he asked suddenly, his voice unnaturally calm.

"What?"

"I said…..how _long_?" he growled through clenched teeth.

She huffed and dared to level him with an annoyed glare. "You're going to have to use your words, Kylo, because I can't read your mi—"

His eyes flared "How long have you had his letter!" he screamed. Rey was shocked back into a blank expression and he could feel the fear now trickling out of her. If he was right….gods if he was right…..

Rey pressed her lips together. "It arrived three days ago."

Kylo seethed and, turning, instantly cracked his fist into the surface of his desk, causing Rey to jump before looking away, a hand coming up to cover her plainly stricken face.

Breathing heavily, he watched as the blood began to well up where his knuckles made contact with the hardwood surface. Watching it helped calm him. The pain…an old tactic, but it kept him focused. Slowly, he lifted his hand away and, almost in fascination, cautiously flexed the skin atop his hand.

"Last night," he croaked. Rey didn't budge. "Last night…..and today…..all of it….."

And suddenly she was shaking her head furiously. "No, Kylo, it wasn't—"

"Shut UP!" he bellowed. Taking a step towards her, the Force crackled around him, eagerly clinging to the familiar fury of Kylo Ren, caressing him, telling him everything. "The lies _leak_ , _grossly_ from your mouth, and the Force does not lie!"

She was caught. He could see it on her face that she was caught. She'd used him last night, and then again today, thinking….who knows what she was thinking? Yet another thing he was forbidden from. But none the less _anticipating_ that it would soften him enough to let her have some chance of leaving him by going to that _failure_ of a garbage detail Stormtrooper.

He wanted to scream.

He wanted his lightsaber and he wanted to utterly destroy this room.

He wanted to set fire to the table they'd just sat at and had pretended to actually _be_ something.

And now she had the _gall_ , the _audacity_ to come closer to him with _tears_ in her eyes- more lies, surely, from this…this….

She was close enough now to reach towards him as her arms rose up.

"Kylo…" she whispered between silent sobs. "I—"

" _Get out."_

She stopped instantly in her tracks.

"I said get out."

She just stood there. It took all of his self control not to physically throw her out of the room after what she'd done— _why_ wouldn't she listen to him?

"….. _please,_ " she tried again, working to blink away the tears.

Kylo bit so hard into his bottom lip to keep ahold of himself he could taste blood.

"If you don't get out now….," he swallowed hard. "You'll go down with this room."

Her eyes widened, alert, finally, to the danger freely swirling around him, and slowly she stepped back.

He turned his back to her as he faced his desk and leaned over it to tug open a drawer. He pulled out his lightsaber and flicked the ignition. As the light reflected in the nearby window, he turned his head to the side- his one, last courtesy to this woman who had finally, finally seemed to destroy him.

"Run," he croaked, and it was the last warning he gave before his saber came flying down on his desk and then scorched the prettily painted wall.

And Rey ran, through the doors, away from the screams that sounded like they were coming more from a torture chamber than an emperor's office, until she barreled into her rooms.

She stripped off her dress, ripping it just to get it off, and quickly pulled back on her trousers and tunic. Her heart felt like it would claw its way out of her chest as terror seized her and all she could think of was his last word to her- _run, run, RUN_.

Oh, she would run. She knew- _knew-_ her quarters weren't safe. She could feel it in her _bones_. After gathering a few things rapidly into her old bag, she bounded down the corridor, down a narrower passageway, until she lifted away a holo painting to reveal a secret entrance. She climbed inside, replaced the painting, and then kept running. Not yet a year but she felt she knew the residency wing like the back of her hand, every nook and cranny, and secret passageway, as she fled to a tiny, dimly lit space she'd prepared when she first arrived but prayed she'd never, ever have to use.

Ensuring the door was securely bolted closed, it was only then that she let herself relax, let the bag drop from her hands, and only then that she collapsed to her knees with a shrill cry.

The moment it left her, she clamped a hand over her mouth. No, no one could hear. She couldn't let her terror, her anguish betray the only safe space she had in the galaxy. But it didn't stop her from weeping silently.

How had he known? How had she thought he _wouldn't_ know or find out?

Either way, she'd _never_ anticipated that reaction, not in her wildest dreams.

So what if for once in their bizarre relationship, she'd been the one to take control? So what if a part of her hoped it'd get her a little closer to seeing her friends again?

So what if sharing his tea had seemed like a good time to ask him? Hadn't it been special enough?

When she cautiously, tentatively reached out, she couldn't understand how he could still be raging, and _worse_ , down below her far away. That room would be nothing but char and ash and she didn't understand. She didn't understand at _all_.

But then his eyes when she had walked into the room….

His eyes when she had moved to leave…

His eyes when she had been on top of him and told him he couldn't kiss her….

Her brain stuttered as she gasped. It stuttered and it wouldn't, it _refused_ , to push any further. It refused, it refused, it refused…

He was ages away, but she swore she could still hear his cries even in her little hidden bolthole. In a daze, she let it come, and, blindly reaching towards a nearby corner with shallow breaths, she slumped against the wall and closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey's dress:
> 
>  

**Author's Note:**

> Send me prompts for this fic on tumblr at these-are-the-first-steps.tumblr.com! 8D


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